ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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