I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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