is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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