i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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