your thong is hanging out like whoa
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
