If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
