She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
