I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
