...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
