i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
