He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
