im six kinds of drunk right now
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
