Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
