Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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