Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
