I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
