I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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