help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
