Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
