maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
