I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
