Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
