haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
