I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
