So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
