She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
