I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
