Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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