Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
