I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
