We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
