I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
we should paint friendship bongs
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
