i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
