I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I need a beard to bite.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
