I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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