we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
