my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
