Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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