He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
