id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
