i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
