I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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