OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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