she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
