Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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