I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
