my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
