Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
