just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
