Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
