Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
