According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
