great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
