My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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